The Hypocrite’s Oath

Isn’t it funny how women claim to be the most wronged in a relationship? Women complain and complain, point fingers and carry on. And even though a man might be having problems you only hear him complain when the issue is very very bad? By their actions and conduct though all men and women say the Hypocrite’s oath: I swear I am right and that one is not.

I remember a girl who claimed her boyfriend treated her unkindly. He didn’t listen to her, was a drunkard and just didn’t behave the way she wanted him to. In short she claimed he caused her nothing but great grief.

Sometime long afterwards I spoke to the guy. Apparently he drunk as a means to ease his stress, the stress she inflicted on him. She wanted too much, wanted him to do this, not do that, be this but not that and very much drove him crazy. In short she gave him a great amount of grief.

So which of the two was in the right I ask you? I write this for all those of you who are called from time to time or may be called to listen to complaints of a man or woman regarding their relationship and to mediate or give counsel as to what to do.

Firstly, let’s say that before you give counsel or advice to the two or one of them you should take everything they have said with a pinch of salt, as if it is half true and half a lie. It is written ‘true wisdom has two sides’ (Job 11:6). Everyone appears righteous in their own eyes. One will say this and the other will come and unbalance everything said altogether. Do not be quick to judge or you will be the fool.

Since they both claim to be right what then are you to do to help the situation? Look at it this way: they are both telling the truth and they are both lying. Each one says things so that the result portrays them in a positive light and that things go in their favour. Plus, factor in emotions and you get exaggerations and misjudgments.

Since you cant trust what either of them is saying throw away what you have heard them say, the things you have seen them do, whether one of them cried and the other shouted. Wipe your mind clean so that no one is right. Then look at the core problem itself and the means to solving it. Do not be partial, lean not to the man nor the woman. Find a solution that works for both.

Now listen carefully: If the two of them are not wise enough to meet each other half way but each one refuses to bend claiming they are right then do not waste your time with them, they are very stupid. If one bends work on bending the other so that each makes a concession and not one party.

If a relationship is burdensome to the soul of one of them then maybe its best the band splits and each goes their separate way for it is not right for a relationship to cause grief. It should be the other way round, it should remove grief. If you force a man’s hip bone into a clay pot won’t the clay pot break?

To all of you who are in a relationship and complain of one thing or another, you are not happy with this or that. Know that for every problem you have your partner also has a complaint against you. For every two things you are not happy with your lover has also two things he or she is not happy with.

Let us not treat each other as fools, play games or be annoying or irritating for nothing. Let us not be a burden to the other nor should we think we are always right. Of all the cases you will hear, you will find 60% of the time it is the woman who is complaining the most. Grow up and shut up! You are not the only one who suffers in a relationship. Cry-babying, attention-seeking or being stubborn will get you nowhere. Argument for arguments sake is stupid. Let’s argue progressively, to solve a problem not fight endlessly. With each fight you erode the relationship a bit more till there is nothing left worth fighting for.

Where communication fails then the relationship ain’t worth a thing. Remember ‘the wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down’ (Proverbs 14:1). The same applies to men. By your conduct, things that you say or do will the future of your relationship be determined. Be careful with people’s emotions, what’s simple to you is not simple in my eyes. What you understand this way I will understand another way, only being delicate and patient with the other will save the day. He who has an ear let him hear.