How to marry an Angel and a Demon

Sometimes I feel like I have found me a wife, the right person to marry. And sometimes I feel like I could do better. How do you know who is the right person to marry? How does one find the perfect partner when all human beings are by design flawed?

And they say go with your gut or instincts and others say trust your heart to know the right person but currently my gut and heart are very useless for they are just as confused as I am. Sure there are a lot of things I like about her but then there are a lot of other things I do not like as well. How do you strike a balance? How can you be sure you will live the rest of your life with peace of mind over any decision you make now, for or against?

The wise of the age ask a simple question “Does she make you happy?”.  Usually she does but there’s a lot of times I hate her and don’t want to look at her, and a lot of times she makes me sad not to mention the number of times she breaks my heart. When you are ready to ignore all that and marry her anyway is that true love or are you being plain stupid or naive?

The simple of this world give their choice advice “Look at her character, you must be happy with it”.

Well her character is fine, in fact I think it’s better than of most women but it’s her dress code I don’t like, her ability to misunderstand a simple instruction and the fact that try as much as I can I can’t make my love for her flow but only manage to see it drip drip drip.

So I ask you who are wed or just dying to get married “What made you so sure that marrying that person is the right thing? When do you know when you are ready? What if at a later stage you can’t get past that persons flaws and they end up irritating you the rest of your married life? In your ignorance some of you have answered me that “when it is the right person you just know”. That is not really an answer that helps me make a decision right now, if I currently don’t seem to “know” the person I am dating is the right one to marry or not then should we say she is not? What if my emotions are affecting my ability to make a clear and righteous judgment not that she is unsuitable? Furthermore, why would you assume that your experience will be mine?

I have reached an age where sooner or later I have to permanently decide to marry or not. And more and more it seems like marriage is a blind leap of faith whose results are inevitably and simultaneously good and bad. To your liking and not. Am so not interested in taking that leap, I doubt more than 25% of men these days willingly marry as a result of their personal interest in marriage or will. Still I feel if I am not enticed by a life of solitude then I will be forced to marry to keep my sins few and far in between as far as the flesh is concerned. 

I sit here and think of her, what our future could be and if it would turn out anything close to what I want it to be. Then the circuit breaker in my head switches off the lights because I can only comprehend a life of misery for me if I stay and misery for me if I go.

Add to that the fact that God will not be merciful on Judgment day. The things I think of her, feel about her, do to and for her as well as wish for her will all be judged at the end of the age, every action, deed or thought of mine will. Sometimes I feel like catching her by the throat and giving her a vigorous shake and sometimes I feel a bash on the head would be in order, and am not a violent person, these are just some of the emotions she brings out of me. Picture a life of feeling that way about a person maybe once a day for the rest of your life, not my kind of a dream marriage.

And yes I can easily be called a coward. Men have already been accused of pretending to not want to

get married but being more excited than the bride on the wedding day. Perhaps it is in all men this trepidation of impending doom that makes us want to delay the marriage process for as long as possible. I am reminded of the female spider that kills its mate immediately after mating, that’s what I feel marriage does to many a man great or small. While it may enhance your sense of self worth, your decision making skills and your eating habits make no mistake it kills your ability to be free. Have you ever seen a dog tied to one spot and not allowed to go anywhere else? I don’t believe that is a dog with very high spirits unless of course he is resisting and protesting his captivity.

So which way do I go, left or right? I don’t know. I doubt it will be a result of any conscious effort on my part but rather determined by circumstances and time. I trust not my heart for it is a great liar, I listen not to the words of men for they are limited in perception, I believe not what I see for twice as much I do not see. I bring my life to the Father, wherever He leads me I will go, what he brings along my path so be it. If it kills me then it kills me, His will be done.

When a man lacks wisdom, perception, understanding and knowledge he asks a fellow human being

yet that fellow human being is limited in knowledge, wisdom, perception, understanding and experience. Well, I no longer risk my fate on serious issues in that manner. Rather take it to the Lord in prayer. Yes, the fear of the Lord IS the beginning of wisdom, knowledge, understanding, perception, discernment and that is everything you need to make the right decision.