Too much of Nothing

What is the purpose of all life, the Spirit of the Lord asked me. To understand the purpose or your life you must firstly understand the purpose of all nature you see, He said. Does man live only to expire, is he at all any better than a monkey, a dog or a snake? For all were created by one God, what’s to say they all were not created for the same purpose? As an ant is so is a man? Same value?

My soul is troubled you see. I find no satisfaction in pleasure. My life’s worth and value is far from my comprehension. I figured my disturbia was a result of my having no girlfriend, but when I really look at it I don’t need a girlfriend. Let me just say if I had her she wouldn’t be able to fill the gap of this emptiness am feeling.

Then I thought my lack of peace was because I didn’t have as good a job as I wanted and that my failure to find what I was looking for was getting to me. But no. Even a good job that payed a million kwacha, had great benefits and was enjoyable does not satisfy the question that is lurking in my heart.

What do I strive for, to what end do I do all that I do. I figured that maybe knowing God, obeying him and living a life of righteousness was perhaps the thing that I needed. But I have that already no matter that it is imperfect. And if I have that and I still feel it is not enough then what is it that is causing me discomfort?

Is it perhaps that I am too ambitious for my own good, that I aspire towards greatness and riches? But no, I have experienced the praises of men, been esteemed as great and small by them. I have achieved academic excellence to the best of my ability and the works of my hands satisfy me. Being the best of the best or being great in the eyes of my fellow men does not interest me at all. What then is the problem with me?

My soul is searching for something, I just haven’t figured out what. It isn’t God, it isn’t pleasure, it isn’t fame and it isn’t greatness and most certainly not attention. What then could be so great that my life seems a whistle in the wind without it? Why does my soul hunger for it so?

It was at this point the Spirit of the Lord asked me to consider the lives of all things created. What they were created for, what their life achieved, their relationship to all things and then mans general purpose in relation to all things and to himself as an individual with wants, needs, feelings and the ability of thought.

Man has been created superior to all things by the simple addition of the ability to think and to act on said deliberations. But animals think too, a monkey can just be as crafty and a lion is just as courageous. A cow can produce life too and yet it ends up in man’s meal plate. Yes man is superior to them all. He was created to be superior yes, but then to what end in general and to himself personally?

“Stop trying to find problems in all things and trying to answer questions about things too big for your brain to comprehend. Enjoy every bite, spend time crying your heart out. Experience every moment. That is how you number your days and find value in your life, the purpose of your life and that which your soul is endlessly trying to understand, life. You will not understand the value of your life right now but when you are old and gray, when you have lived a lifetime and have done all that your heart desired while remembering and honouring the Lord your God, at that time will your eyes be opened and the answer to all things be revealed.  Go back and just live” so said the Spirit of my Lord.

Do not be over-righteous neither be over-wise, why destroy yourself-Ecclesiastes 7:16