Coca-Cola in my Fanta

A wise lady once told me, only after marriage do you realize what the truth really is. The first two years may be okay, but after that is when you realize that you married someone totally different from what you thought you were getting. It’s like buying a can of Fanta because the label says Fanta and finding that the contents inside are Coca-Cola.

This got me thinking. What is it that we are seeing in that person when we decide to marry them? Is what we are seeing a total lie? Are they perhaps deceiving us into thinking they are someone they are not? Or are we altogether too stupid to notice that this that we see years later was what they were all along? Deep that thought.

My quest in life is the pursuit of Wisdom. Even my Bible tells me to seek knowledge and to find understanding. And I have found peace in understanding, and knowledge helps me understand why people are the way they are or why they behave a certain way at a particular time. When you find knowledge and gain through it an understanding only then do you find wisdom.

As I mull over the thought in my brain as to why the Fanta we buy somewhere down the line turns out to really be a Coca-Cola I arrive at a thought that satisfies me. The answer is to be found way back at the “Original sin”. When that first sin was committed all humanity lost purity, gained evil, became imperfect, became trash.

Unfortunately, the heart is the most deceptive of all. It tells the lover that his partner is not flawed and that her mistakes are bearable or laughable. We are really merely deceived by our own hearts. The Bible is true and it does not lie, there is none among men who is righteous, none that does good.

Inevitably, as you spend time with your loved one in your marriage home you get to see more of them, you see the good and the bad. Unfortunately for you it also means you will get to see how really cursed man or woman is. The more you live together the more you are aware that the person you married is not as perfect as you thought, you see they are not as intelligent, as righteous or as strong as you thought. You see how much evil they can do, how strongly they can hate, and how passionately they can hurt, how merciless they can be, and how deserving of the fire of hell they are.

A question to the simple then is this: what do you do when 5 years after the wedding you wake up in bed and realize that the person you are lying next to is a stranger and is no longer the person you married? Do you panic? Do you resign yourself to despair? Do you hate them and let yourself become a cold-hearted person? Is this what they mean when they say “mid-life crisis”?

I doubt any of my children will ever value my wisdom, that’s just the way life is sometimes. The young think they are wiser than you are and that what you have to say is not worth hearing. But if any of them asked me for a guide to life I would give a simple answer. The bible asks of man many things but three are the most important, I would say. Number 1 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and have no other god beside him. Number 2 Love your neighbour as you love yourself. Number 3 do not let your heart grow cold.

Life presents many challenges, aye many pains. The major challenge a man faces in life though is to maintain the love he holds in his heart till the day that he dies. All the things we face in life have the potential to turn us into cold-hearted bitter people. A failed marriage, an unsatisfactory life, a low income, an unending illness, even the death of a greatly loved and valued one.

The goal in life then is to get through all those sorts of things without letting any of them dirty our hearts. Those who shall overcome shall be awarded the crown of life. I believe the realization that you married someone totally different from what you expected is something that comes along simply to test our hearts and the commitment we made before God when we were getting married. God simply removes the veil from over our eyes. Whatever we do we should never let whatever happens in that marriage turn us into bad people. At the end of the day we will be judged individually based on individual actions and not as a family.

What do you do then when you wake up some years later and realize that the person you married is totally different from what you thought they were 6 years or 15 years or 30 years ago? For one you could give thanks to God that he has allowed you to see that person the way He sees them up there in heaven. Maybe then will you understand how much damage sin has afflicted upon mankind.

Secondly, remember your vows. For richer for poorer, for BETTER or WORSE. The question is really will you keep the covenant you made in your marriage vows with God or will you turn your back on them? Remember though that you should not make vows you cannot keep, for my God takes no pleasure in fools such as you. He will hold you to account for breaking your vow.

In my opinion, I believe all we face in life is designed to test us, mould us, reshape us, move us from one age to another. If it is not that stranger in your bed then definitely it will be something else. Make no mistake, life will try its best to get you to turn into a bitter human being. My suggestion is you make peace with whatever you are facing, leave it in the hands of God and protect your heart from growing cold and your soul from the fire of hell. Deo adjuvante non timendum- God helping nothing ever need be feared.

But what do I know, I’m not married. I am beginning to get the picture though, yes. Those who marry will face many difficulties in this life, it is written. But I believe it will make me stronger and will draw me closer to God. And that is my ultimate goal, God is the goal and not the marriage. And I trust in Him, for he cares for me and has proven very many times that He is mighty enough to save me, through it all!

I Love you, Lord. I hope I will read this 10 years and then 20 years from now and that it will encourage me every time.

Mzuzu, 15/10/2015 (18:58hrs). Many thanks to Rukhsana.