Prayers to an Evil God

He stopped praying ages ago. After all why bother anymore? And it’s not because he loves sin and worldly things. No, he is an upright man, and as faithful as true Christians can be. It’s just that God don’t listen to him anymore. His wife has been on a hospital bed for 6 years and he has prayed for her and prayed for her and prayed for her and she is still there, still going through therapy, still not allowed to leave the hospital. Her disease shows no sign of ever regressing. And he is worn out, mentally, physically and emotionally. His home is a wreck. His money ran out months ago and now he has huge debts. He can’t go to work, who else would look after her? He has called and God just won’t answer. The Bible says seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened to you, ask and it will be given to you. The Bible is a liar.

And she stopped praying months ago. She has laid baby after baby to the ground. Yet she has prayed for each of the three babies to get well. She has fasted, she has cried, she has begged, she has wept and she still watched them die. God pretended not to hear. What sort of God allows a woman to carry a child for 9 months only to lose it several months after birth? And then allows her to carry two other children 9 months each only to see them also die in her arms? How can He continuously raise a person’s hopes only to dash them mercilessly again and again? She now wouldn’t dare get pregnant again, a fourth pregnancy would kill her for sure. Add to that the fact that her husband expects her to be a baby-making factory who is useless if she cannot give him a child. How can God be so cruel?

This man won’t pray no more either. Hell, what’s the point, it’s not like God cares, it’s not like God listens to him.  He has prayed for his situation, prayed for a better day. He has met men of God and they have promised multiple breakthroughs. None have come. He is still stuck in a job that doesn’t pay enough, still married to a wife who spends what little he earns on “Wachiona ndani” (gambling), he still has four mouths to feed. And he feeds them everyday on borrowed money. Yet he sees others doing better, the rich getting richer, while he remains a beggar. God don’t act fair, and no samakonda aliyense, he blesses only the ones he desires and that don’t include him. He hates this God. He is a hypocrite. Liar.

This woman wont pray anymore, in fact she won’t go to church anymore either. She has prayed for her drunken husband ever since she married him, prayed that he stops wasting money on drink. And does he stop? No, he gets worse. With each prayer said for him he multiplies his sins. He upgrades to smoking, whoring and not coming home for several days. The house needs this and the house needs that but he don’t care, she hasn’t seen his salary in a long time. This morning one of his mistresses came to abandon a baby boy at their house. Her innards bled when she found out about the boy. But she is tired of weeping, tired of praying, tired of being prayed for. Since prayer seems to be multiplying the problem then prayer needs to stop.

And she won’t pray either. For 10 years now she has prayed God for a loving man and a happy marriage. And she meets nice men, dateable men, average men, so- and-so men, and even rich men. But they never ask! Even the ugly and uneducated ones don’t even care to look at her. It’s like they all can’t see her, like she doesn’t exist. She has tried make-up, has tried nice tight and revealing clothes, she has tried seduction, and has even resorted to asking guys out. Each of them smiles and say yes but they never call, call them and they never answer. Yet she is as beautiful as most, with a body most men would kill for. She has good behavior and great manners and treats all with love and respect. Yet no one shows any interest. And she doesn’t understand why. It’s driven her crazy for long enough. Now the good girl is going bad. She figures it’s better to just live the remainder of her life drowning in drink, yes drowning her sorrows in drink.

He asks himself “Why bother to pray?”. See he knows a few people who pray, and judging from their lives it’s doing them no good. One of his friends keeps losing babies, his cousin is married to a drunkard who seems to only be getting worse with prayer, and another friend has prayed for 6 years for his wife to get better and she never does, death would be kinder for her. There is his ex-girlfriend who says she has been praying for a husband for 10 years, 10 years! Then there is the family next door that keeps struggling with debt and keeps coming week after week to borrow money from him. All these people are Christians enough yet their lives seem to always be going from bad to worse. What’s the point of prayer then if it won’t improve a person’s life? What’s the point if the sinner and the Christian all seem to suffer alike?

Up above the world so high, He sits and watches them all. From all corners of the world he sees them all. One at a time they stop praying and turn their back on him. And it breaks his heart for they have no wisdom, no, no understanding. Yes his people are perishing from a lack of knowledge. For if they had knowledge they would know, nothing that he ever does is purposeless. They would know, he provided all the knowledge and understanding needed for such times in his Holy Book. Still, everything is going according to plan.

It is written: The wheat will be separated from the chaff. Yes God will separate those who are truly his from those whose hearts are not really with him. And this means the righteous from the sinful, the faithful from the faithless, among Christians and among unbelievers. One way he sieves is by trial, tribulation, pain and sufferation. Yes the painful moment is a test, the lack of a response is a test. He uses the experience to weigh the heart and souls of men. Only when the heart of man is tired and broken do you really know what is in his heart. Some break away and stay away. Those who endure will be rewarded with the crown of life, that is an eternity with the I Am.

But trial, pain and tribulations are also used by God to develop you. Truly, one only knows they have more emotional and mental strength than they previously thought only after they have come out of a very difficult time that seemed impossible to get through. Only those who have experienced true pain can be compassionate to the pains of others. Only those who have experienced lack can truly appreciate years of plenty. And only those who keep praying no matter how good or bad it gets can ever know the love God has for them, the reasons for their seasons in life. One can only truly trust God after seeing him bring them out of several difficult and painful situations.

There’s no shortcut to Heaven. Not all who cry “Lord, Lord” will enter the Kingdom of heaven, maybe not even me. The thing called Trust. Use it well. Yes trust in the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your might. Lean not on your own understanding. And when you get to the point where you believe God has your best intentions at heart no matter what bad or hard circumstance you are in; that he knows what he is doing and will bring you out okay and also better. Only then will you know you are on the right path. My God give you strength. Boomsah!!!

Christian Psychiatrix. Forever