The Institute of Satanic Propaganda

I have often wondered what the Devil’s offices in charge of ‘Human Affairs’ look like, most especially the Propaganda Department under that institution. I have imagined the Propaganda Department as having one division in charge of creating Anti-Jesus rhetoric, another division in charge of packaging said material in various user-friendly formats and another division in charge of distributing the material to people across the globe at scheduled times.

She got pregnant...

Most girlfriends don’t know and others refuse to acknowledge that when they tell their man that they are pregnant his first reactionary thought will be to ditch them and run. ”He would never do that,” that’s what they say and what some of them think.

Sure enough, on a good day 50% of men will be faithful enough to say they will support the baby, that’s 10% of their brain talking. The rest of their brain is thinking: “damn, crap, bollocks, how do I get out of this?

When you Pray

It is very annoying when I tell you my problems and you answer me by saying ‘don’t worry God knows best’, ‘God has a plan ’,’ wait for God’s time’. I have heard it so much that it no longer gives me comfort to hear it but only manages to irritate me. You only come off as stupid saying it, for those words rub salt to the wound and do not comfort.

Then there are those who say I should be more aggressive in the way I pray. They say I should not say ‘thy will be done’ but I should come and ‘claim’ the answers I seek to my prayers. That too seems very daft to me now.

The Angel that Weeps for the Sons of Men

She says that she hates me and never will speak to me again. She says that for the tears she cried all night over me I will certainly pay. She says may God forgive me and what goes around comes around. She says if she dies her spirit will haunt me forever.

I look down at my feet in shame and sadness. I know I should never have broken the heart of someone who loved me so greatly. And yet I let her go out of her own best interest for rather than let her keep receiving an incomplete love I wanted her to receive a love that was complete and not that which felt like it was being squeezed from a stone.

The Ganja Planter Chronicles

There is a legend in Zomba of a house on top of a mountain. To get to that house from down where the local version of a main road is you get to walk for two hours uphill climbing. The owner of the house is isolated, if you try you won’t succeed to make him move down the mountain to where the other villagers’ houses are. It is a strategic position for him and his trade. He is a Ganja Planter. Any cop who would be willing to climb that hill for two hours is surely worth his salt and so few even try. The few who get there are palm-oiled effectively.

The Anti-Satan Drug

Christianity is like the Anti-Retroviral (ARV) Drug. Whether you take it or not is your choice. If it does not kill you then it will definitely lead you to a better state of health. If you do not take it you will die and if you take it you will experience a better state of health than if you hadn’t, and then you will die.

And yes the drug must be taken for the rest of your life. If you at any moment cease to take your medication then you will be far worse off than if you had not taken the drug in the first place. It must be taken appropriately, too much can kill you and too little will not help you.

Fashion, Pretty girls and Old friends in the Church

I admit I go to church for a number of really stupid reasons. Firstly, I go to church to catch up on the latest fashions, what’s hot-what’s not-what works with what. It’s so entertaining seeing all those men and women all dressed up in eye-catching outfits, walking down the aisle in single file to give their offering. Clothes, shoes, amazing hairdo’s, accessories, class and good taste, it’s all there. Hell I’m never going to be invited to the FAME Malawi Fashion Week and you definitely have to pay to see people dressed up at a fashion show so yeah I might as well just see it for free at the church. They are all poised, trying to make a dignified and graceful walk past me, aware of how fine they look. It’s such a beautiful sight, so captivating, except of course those few who make very bad fashion choices and look horrible.